Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
