so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
