Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
