I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
