Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
