Sponge bath it is.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
