i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
