In the future we'll all be gay
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
