watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
