I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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