dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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