I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
did i just pee glitter
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
