He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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