It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
