Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
