she was so not down for the gang bang
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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