You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
