bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
