I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm getting married
To pizza
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
