Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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