me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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