Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
