We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
