Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
