i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
