Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
