Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
