What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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