Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
