but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
