just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
