I want to stick my p in your. b.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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