Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
