Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
