2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
