I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Alive.
So much puke
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
