She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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