hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
