i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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