i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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