Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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