I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
