we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
