He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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