why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
