In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
