I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
