Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
