We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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