Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
