glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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