I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just tell him i said nine months
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
