Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
