her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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