I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
