We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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