Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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