I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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