im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
