Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
