I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
