he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
