My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
