we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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