mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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