"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
