don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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