If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
