I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
