Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And then he peed in my hair
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